Paul Walker Driving

My friend: "Your Paul Walker jokes are really driving everyone crazy."
Me: "At least I can drive."

Pooping In Clean Water

I wonder if the kids in Africa know that we have so much clean water that we poop in it...

Paul Walker

Why did Paul Walker cross the road?
Because he wasn't wearing his seat belt.

Nelson Mandela

Stupid ignorant people who question the significance of what Nelson Mandela achieved have clearly never heard his 'I Have A Dream' speech.

Grandma Suicide

Helping my Grandma commit suicide was one of the hardest things I've ever done.

Particularly when she kept trying to stop me.

Opportunity

What do you call a hot, blind, deaf and dumb sixteen year old girl?

Not an opportunity, according to my therapist.

Earth Rotating

The earth is rotating at over 1000 mph, however humans don't feel the effect of it.

Until the ninth or tenth beer.

Finding A Relationship

That awkward moment when you have a better chance at finding Waldo than an actual relationship.

Wrecking Ball

Miley Cyrus - Wrecking Ball. I'd pay to see that live.

As long as she got hit by one.

Help With Alcoholism

I'm seeking help with my alcoholism at the moment.

I'm looking for someone to buy me some liquor.

Tree Houses

Tree houses are so evil; it's like killing someone and nailing him to his friend.

Spleilng

i jsut ntocied how wlel i splel.

Chinese Labor

Apple: Cost of manufacturing new iPhone is $199.

Plus labor from China, it's $200.

STDs

I was in downtown the other day, and I saw this sign that said "free STD checks". I think they're just perverts.